This is just Wrong!!

Anyone and everyone that knows me has accepted the fact that I am a total, undeniable shoe whore. If I could chop shoes up and Lindsey Lohan a line of them, I would. I can't even go in to a shoe store when I know my bank account is zero because I will STILL walk out with a pair of those fantastic bitches on my feet and try to figure out how to tell the people at the bank that some skantastic (I must give a proper due to Emily who will most undoubtedly call me immediately when she reads this and demand she have a proper shout out, for this is without a doubt HER word). Anyways, where was I? Oh yes, shoes, no money, and that I got beat down faster than a Mexican trying to play shovezies in a welfare line... ok, at this point I have just gotten totally off track so back to the subject at hand: shoes. I love shoes. You get it. Moving on. What I don't love is feet. Especially unkept, mangled, nasty toes. I make my fiance wear socks on his feet up until the very last second when we get in bed and he can cover them up with the comforter. Out of sight, out of mind. So you can imagine my total fucking disgust when I saw these absolutely adorable shoes with those fucking toes sticking out of them:


Seriously? THIS is the fucking picture you chose to advertise your shoes?? Her toe nails look like they have been on a drug binge for four fucking weeks and are going through withdrawals. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if we zoomed that picture out and it was really a photo of Courtney Love passed out in the lounge of a Courtyard Marriott because she thought she was in Cindy Lauper's living room. Then I would understand the gnarled, rat nibbled look of the toe nails. But to choose those fucking feet to go in your advertisement?? For fuck sake, at least paint your damn toes! Let the rest of us know you give a little bit of shit about it. I don't even want to buy those shoes anymore. I can't give them the proper once over. I'm walking away.... but then again, I should not let the shoes suffer because the toes can't get their shit together. Well, maybe I will take another peak.... Fucking forget it. I want to track this tramp down and bitch slap her with a Sally Hansen lufa sponge.

And the Award Goes To....

She is ALMOST there, ladies and gentlemen!!!! She totally surprised me today with the double cigarette move and she gets extra fake flowers to plant in her yard for the three day old mascara rings around her eyes. Now if we can just see those bruised up knees, I will be so honored to hand you your golden lawn chair trophy for the Richest Piece of White Trash This Side of the Junk Yard.

The Disaster that is Britney

I saw this picture on one of my FAVORITE websites, Dlisted.com. The train wreck that is Britney Spears will always entertain me. Especially when she walks around in public dressed like this:



She seriously cannot get away from the White Trash-ness that follows her everywhere. I mean, you would think she would see this picture and immediately pick out everything that is wrong with it: the 1995 cut off jeans, the 2002 UGG boots, the mysterious stain around her belly button, of course the obvious absence of a bra, an orange soda and what appears to be a spit cup and the fact that she does not realize that when you have enough time to slap on some red lipstick, you certainly have enough time to put that nasty ass hair up in a clip. (All that is missing is a Virginia Slim and bruises on her knees from running into the coffee table trying to kill the cock roaches in her trailer.) But no, she just tromps around every gas station she can and spreads her “God Don’t Make No Trash” message everywhere. I am sure that is true, Britney, but I am most positive he made plenty of bras in your size.